How can you take the power back and transformed from a victim mindset ‘why does this keeping happening to me?’ to a positive outlook on life?
Listen to find out what inspired the Entrepreneur, Author and Speaker, Adeline Heng to find purpose and create new meaning in her life.
How Adeline shifted from not knowing what to do, to having the clarity and awareness to spot the guidance that she needs every step of the way?
If you’ve been looking for answers and feel like you haven’t found them, then this episode is for you to realize how you can open the right doors to change your life.
This Episode’s Takeaway- Softening Into The Feminine Journey
✨Join the 5-day party as we connect with our femininity and begin to flow with life instead of resisting it.
NK: Today, we have a beautiful guest all the way from Singapore. I’m so happy to have her here not only because of the wide variety of life experiences that she has, but also to bring some Asian blood into the mix. Let this podcast be a big pot of perspectives from all over the world and from women of all cultures and ages too. Adeline Heng, our guest for today, is a women’s empowerment catalyst, speaker, entrepreneur, author and most importantly, she helps women to find their life purpose. Welcome, Adeline!
AH: Hi, Natasha! Thanks for having me. It’s really a privilege to be here with you on this very meaningful show and I’m looking forward to our exchange of views.
NK: When I read your bio, I’m really impressed because speaking, writing, coaching or helping people find that purpose and clarity, and creating your own business are different skills. It really sounds like you’ve brought together quite a different mix into your career. So tell me a bit about how that came to be, because some people are just speakers and some are just writers. How come you’re able to combine this mix together and to spread the message that you have today?
AH: When I signed up to write the book, it wasn’t just to do it. In the words of my publisher, the ‘book’ is just a name card on steroids and with that very naturally, we would go into speaking, coaching, and teaching people what we have learned and written about in the program to empower them and to change their lives. Essentially, I was like any other ordinary person. I was at a job feeling very unfulfilled and unhappy, but thanks to a group of people that I met probably about five years ago who gave me a new perspective in life. Most of them at that time were at least 50 years old, and they were so full of life and zest. They have a life purpose which is to empower other people. That inspired me so much, and I started my self-discovery journey. At this point in my life, I’m actually on self-discovery 3.0. My book was the 1.0 stage, developing a program to help women was my 2.0, and now I’m into 3.0 which is helping people with their mindset for them to discover who they are and what is it they are here to do.
NK: You brought a really good point. Sometimes when we feel like we’re at crossroads, it seems there’s just one decision we have to make and everything will be okay, but as you say, it’s a constant evolution. Whatever skill you have to come into alignment with yourself and listen to what it is that you want, you can practice that throughout your whole life and it’s going to keep changing.
AH: Absolutely. Today, I heard a video of a guru who was sharing about asking ourselves good questions from different perspectives. He was talking about envisioning what your life will be by asking yourself a question like: Who do I need to become? I asked myself the same question before and I discovered a whole new perspective which helped me a little along the way. These things don’t come just like that; they came first with a decision in which we want our life to count for something. I’m not here just taking up space, but what am I here for? As Brendon Burchard said, “Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?” These are valid questions, and before I was enlightened, I did not want to broach the subject about legacy. People say I’m a eulogy because it sounded morbid and I really didn’t want to know. But increasingly I think it’s something that we need to think about. When we start thinking about that question, we start questioning ourselves about what kind of life are we living.
NK: Those are really beautiful questions. To those who are listening, these are not easy questions; these are things you ask, you get a real and true answer, and you have to face it. Just knowing the answer is a really big piece to come to peace with yourself and what’s actually here. When people have that kind of realization or when they start asking these questions, it’s uncomfortable. How did you deal with that? How did you get from that discomfort to the actual action, direction or motivation to do something positive?
AH: I suppose I was first exposed to self-development maybe even as early as 10 years ago back in 2007. The outcome of that journey was I made a decision to be positive. When you look at a cup, it can be half-full or half-empty right? From that point onwards, I decided I’ll see things in a positive way so it will always be half-full, and that was the beginning. After that, I became like how a lot of people would behave. Right up to the point where I left my job in January of 2015, I was thinking about: Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always being victimized? Why do bad things happen to me? At this point, I realized that it’s not a good place to be, but it’s a start. Making a decision to snap out of it, get out of the rut and begin searching were few of the best things I did for myself. I have asked this to some women: Do you love yourself? A lot of them say they do, but the things they do to themselves are in contrary to if you love yourself, you will not do that. I think people have fear about loving themselves. Maybe to a certain extent, it’s guilt━loving ourselves means we are narcissists. Even in the Asian culture, love is not very much spoken of. I’m sure you, being Asian as well, you might have also experienced some of that, and it has a lot to do with our culture.
NK: I want to ask you something which I haven’t asked our other guests so far. What does it really mean for women to be empowered? How do you envision women to be in an ideal world with all the work that you do? Say every woman on this planet is touched by what you do. What happens then? What does that change?
AH: For one, they will not be guilty about loving and taking care of themselves first because we have to fill our own cup before we can do others. Many of the women I know are just so concerned about their families━everyone else except themselves. This is one of the things I want to teach my clients: that it is okay to love yourself first. If you don’t take care of yourself and you’re so selfless, taking care of everyone else, what happens if you fall? If you become ill, who’s going to take care of all these people? They cannot take care of themselves because you have always been doing that for them. Who’s going to take care of you? People are looking for answers, but they have no idea what’s the question. Even if the answer comes up, they won’t know that’s it. If you are not consciously aware of what you are looking for, it will not come into your consciousness.
NK: What they experienced, what their intuition is showing them and the dotted line can connect them to something greater than pieces of insight, visions or thoughts.
AH: It’s really having clarity about what they want. If you don’t know what you want, even if that thing can be right in front of you, you won’t even see it because you’re not conscious of it.
NK: Sometimes a human experience is very emotional and it can be very turbulent. At the end of the day, when we break it down, it is as simple as you described it. I try to communicate it in a very similar way that the answers you’re looking for are all inside of yourself. As simple and as cliche sounding as they are, it’s the thinking, the emotional experience and a completely human component of it that makes it seem so impossible or difficult. I’m really happy to meet you exactly where you are and know this is where it all comes from. At the same time, we do feel totally compassionate and we understand that this process isn’t easy and sometimes it is tough.
AH: That’s why it’s important to have a mentor or coach to be there to guide. At one point when I was trying to search for things, I just watched all the YouTube videos and I wasn’t getting any closer to where I want to be. I started meeting people who have a genuine interest in helping me become a better version of myself, and it was when I realized I was so unconscious to what is it that I was looking for that even when the answer came and the door was open, I didn’t enter. I did a meditation and then I saw this vision of light━this big house with many rooms, but I could only see a few doors. Every room that I entered, I spent time in it. After I got tired of it, I came out to look for another room. Actually, within each room, there’s another door which can lead you further but because I was not conscious, I didn’t see it at all and I kept searching. This gave me the vision of how I have been spending my life, searching and looking at all the wrong places; maybe I didn’t look long enough or was not conscious of this other door that I could have opened which might have been a shortcut.
NK: It’s like that thing we’ve been looking for, but we just don’t see it. Do you have any last words for anyone listening who is at that point?
AH: What I can say is have faith that there’s a door which will open if you are prepared for all the changes. First, we must decide that we’re ready to courageously open this door, step in and find out what’s there. I would have loved 20 years ago to have found this mentor to help me and to show me the way, but I couldn’t find any until now. I’m very grateful to all the people who have influenced and helped me along the way to learn about myself and how to help others become better versions of themselves. Have faith and accept help when your mentor or teacher appears.
NK: It’s a woman’s issue to do it all and to feel like we have to figure it all out on our own. Your story, what you do, what I do, this whole podcast, and everyone who’s coming on and being interviewed show that none of us really made it on our own. Even though sometimes it might feel really lonely, difficult and seem like you’re the only one on your way, we’re all doing this together just on our own paths. Adeline, I would really love to give you the opportunity now to share with the audience how can they get in touch with you to get to know more about your work, book and any events that are coming up.
AH: That’s great! You can find me on my website at www.adelineheng.com, my Facebook business page is at Adelineheng67, and also on Instagram. For all of you who are listening, I have a gift for you. It’s a cheat sheet that I’m sharing with you━“The Top Seven Life Hacks for Emotional Wellness”. If you send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, I will send you that cheat sheet right away.
NK: Wonderful! Thank you so much for that gift and for everything you shared! Just reach out to Adeline at your own time and find out the best way to follow her or to get more resources from our beautiful guest. Thank you so much for coming on again, for doing the work that you do, and for being who you are, just following the path. No matter how much you’ve been through and how many times you evolved, you stay true to that growth. Thank you again for coming on!
AH: Thank you so much for the opportunity, Natasha! As I always say, age is just a number and the rest are all excuses. Ladies, go live your life and be who you are really meant to be because we all have that jam, light or splendor within just waiting for us to shine.
NK: Absolutely. No one else can do that except for you. Thanks again everybody for listening and I’ll talk to you next week!
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